My Thanksgiving thoughts on gratitude

As a coach, I almost always recommend a gratitude practice to anyone who doesn’t have one, and particularly if they are struggling with a less then positive, open mindset. Nothing can get you out of bed with a smile better than a “Five Faces of Gratitude” meditation. I have had my own gratitude practice for so long that if you asked me at Thanksgiving dinner to say something I am grateful for, I would probably have to set a timer so I don’t go over the limit.

I am thankful every day for my family, including those who are no longer with us. Today, I feel like expressing thanks for a different group: my friends.

I am very grateful for my friends. Not that long ago, when I was enrolled in my Health and Wellness Coach Training Program, we students practiced coaching each other. More times than not my “coach” would suggest I needed a stronger social network. I really didn’t have many friends. I was someone who was always in a relationship or a marriage, and my social network was built around my husband or boyfriend. Finally, early in 2023, I moved into a cozy apartment with my two cats and no partner, and for 18 months I had a relationship with myself. I learned so much about myself and how I wanted to live, and almost without trying, I found myself making my own friends.

My friends are for traveling with, hiking with, having adventures, and just hanging out. We talk on the phone when something goes wrong, and when something goes really well. We share so much, without the sexual tension and expectations that can accompany a romantic relationship. We accept each other as we are, and never try to make the other person change. Just like in the song, we know we all “need somebody to lean on.” We take turns lifting each other up.

If we have a partner, friends can be our safety valve. I remember when I was a newlywed, many years ago, and I was at home pouting because my husband was at a sales meeting that night and I wanted to talk to him. Instead I called my mother, and she said, “Janie, you can’t expect your husband or any one person to meet all your needs.” That was a lesson to be learned again and again, and that’s where friends come in.

So, from having few friends, how did I end up with all these new ones? I’m retired, so I can’t make friends at work. Then what? For me, it just involved getting out there, engaging with life, and being friendly and open. I made friends at yoga. And when I took yoga teacher training I gained 15 really close friends, all at once. I do ballroom dancing every weekend and there I made friends in the dance world. I have made new friends on retreats. Two former clients became my friends. There are so many possibilities. And I’m not an extrovert. But I am open and happy and approachable.

If you have many friends, good for you! If you have just a few, don’t lose touch with them. And if you are feeling lonely and don’t really have friends, take a course, volunteer, do something where you are with other people. Smile, help someone, and see what happens. Even one good friend who gets you is someone to be grateful for.